One more thing

I've been pondering what it means to be a mother lately, maybe because I know this time won't last forever, and also because Trevor is going to be the last baby for awhile. Some days (most days) it seems all I do is feed children, clean up and change diapers.

This last Monday was a great day. I did my Jillian workout, showered, had school with the kids, we ate lunch together, I put Lincoln down for a nap, cleaned up lunch, had the older kids go downstairs for quiet time, nursed Trevor and laid him down. I got out my list of things to accomplish during the week and everything I would need to do a couple of them--my computer, planner, insurance documents, phone numbers, etc. I grabbed my Book of Mormon and read that first, because I've learned that if I don't read first, I usually don't get back to it.

I finish reading and start in on insurance. What a headache! Just when I got to the point of almost understanding some of the charges, Trevor woke up. I went in and nursed him and laid beside him for a few minutes to help him sleep. Then back to insurance. Then Trevor woke up again and I rocked him again. And back to insurance. After a few minutes I heard Lincoln waking up, and then all the kids came upstairs for a snack. And then Trevor woke up.

I was so frustrated with the insurance--trying to make sense of the charges as well as the fact that before I had Trevor I was in frequent contact with them to make sure that I was covered at the birthing center, and now they had denied almost every stinking charge!!! Grr.

So here I was in the middle of frustrating insurance when everyone needed to have a snack and wanted to talk to me. I tried to do both, and continued getting more frustrated--trying to focus on something annoying anyhow with 4 sweet children clamoring for my attention doesn't bring out the best in me.

Amid this happy ruckus Stephen called. He told me all about his very successful day (which I totally credit to the faith of our mothers who were praying for him--and me) and then asked how I was doing. HA! I told him how I had been trying to get the insurance situation taken care of but kept getting derailed by the needs of our kids. Trevor not sleeping well. Needing to clean up. Lincoln waking up. The kids needing a snack. As I was talking to him Lincoln finished eating and needed to be taken to the sink so I could wash him up. Here's what I said to Stephen (read with tears in your voice):

"Lincoln needs to be washed now. There is always one more thing that I have to do!"

And my very sage husband replied:

"It's not just one more thing, it's the thing."

I stopped in my tracks. That's right! I don't just wash faces and read books and nurse my baby to get to something else. The goal doesn't need to somewhere other than where I am. As I'm told in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. Sooner than I can imagine my sweet babies will be grown.

So right now, I get to choose every day: am I going to make this a happy day or a grumpy day? Either way the day will pass. It's like when somebody spills the orange juice--it's spilled, that can't be changed--what hasn't been decided is how I am going to react. I can't change what has happened, but I can control how I respond. After all, it's not like they spilled the juice on purpose!

Having a baby is so good for me. Everything slows down. I see things in a different light. I remember the overwhelming love I had for each of my children when they were so small, and have more patience with them as they make mistakes now that they are bigger. I appreciate the stage they are in, even the annoying parts, because I know it will pass so quickly.

I realize that I can only do so much, and so I let the little, unimportant things go. So the older kids don't always make their beds; I'll live. Elise leaves her socks on the garage steps; I can kindly ask her to put them away. Mason can't stop talking long enough for me to answer his questions; he'll learn. Me getting upset or annoyed really doesn't accomplish anything except making me upset and annoyed. Who wants to be around someone like that? At the end of the day it's really not worth it.

One tender mercy from a loving father in heaven is that even when I don't get much sleep (TD has been congested and wakes up at night coughing and/or gasping for breath--pretty much freaks me out and keeps me awake) I'm not mad. Usually when I'm tired and/or hungry I get mean. I've been working on that for years (and years and years). But lately I don't get mad. I'm just tired. What a great blessing!! I like myself the same whether or not I'm tired, but I really don't like to be around me when I'm angry all the time. I imagine my kids like to be around me more when I'm just tired, too. :o)

I've been surprised at how relaxed I've become (for the most part--see above example...) ever since having Trevor. In general I've finally realized that I can't do everything right now, and happy day!, I'm fine with that! The thing now, for this time of my life, doesn't go far beyond the 6 people that make up my home.

And, oh, I'm so happy!!!