Missing Mom

Some days I just really, really miss my mom. Yesterday was one of those days. It started off innocently enough--Stephen finished a "honey-do" item that has been on the list for a year or so. The project was replacing our passenger-side mirror that got pretty beat up when Mom was backing out of the garage. As in, being held on with duct tape. When Mom got home she sent a check so we could get it fixed...probably not thinking it would be over a year later...

Anyhow, when Stephen finished it he walked in the house and proclaimed, "Karin, wherever you are, we finally replaced that mirror!" And I started crying.

I continued to cry--seeing her coat hanging in the closet...watching Ruthie playing on the last quilt she made...pulling out Elise's camp quilt that Mom made--we tied it together when I visited last April when she was in chemo...thinking of how the 4th of July just won't seem the same without her at the farm party...seeing her star quilt and remembering the picture at Mormor's funeral of she and Mom wrapped in it together, smiling...cutting apple slices, like she always did, for my kids during a movie...playing songs she loved on the piano...so many happy memories, without the hope of making more in the future.

I think I'm a little extra emotional lately anyhow, what with the upcoming move, leaving friends, and having my two oldest kids off on adventures. Sometimes I try to numb myself to the ache by watching dumb shows on Netflix or staying really busy, but then all the pushing away catches up to me, and I just cry. I like to think of myself as having the "gift of weeping", to quote Marvin J. Ashton.

I had a...I don't know what word to use--wonderful? sad? happy?--talk with my mom's sister, my Aunt Lisa, last Sunday. It really was all of those words. We laughed, we cried, we talked about dogs and kids and travel and thank-you notes and my mom. She was there when my mom passed, so I got to hear how that all happened--I had never known. There is a peace in knowing how death came to her, quietly and peacefully, with those she loved so nearby.

Aunt Lisa lost her mom, my beloved grandma, 4 years ago. She told me that while the ache never quite goes away, the acute pain does subside. She said that now she and my other aunts and uncles can sit around and talk about grandma without bursting into tears--they can remember the fun and laughter without so much heartache.

I love you, Mom. I wish I could see you with me--so I could share stories and experiences and watch you watch my kids (and me) grow up. I wish my kids could know you like I knew Grandma.

'Til we meet again.

 (pictures from May 2014)

April videos

April photo dump

A random sampling of pictures taken throughout the month of April...

Elise took down the wallpaper border that has been up since...ahem...before we moved in. 5 years ago.

It's nice enough to play outside! Bring on the mud pit!!

Moritz & Valentin stayed with us for several days while on their U.S. tour--they are choirboys from Graz, Austria

My boys!

Pretty impressive group of redheads, no?

So glad I don't spend money on fancy toys when a rain barrel and plastic table leg serve so many purposes! Here as a cannon...

Happy 11th birthday, Mason!

So...Sammy was swinging from our stairwell and fell and whacked his head. Diagnosis: slight concussion. After an ER visit (glad Aunt Lori was here to watch everyone at home!), we were sent home with instructions to watch him. Fortunately, nothing more came of it. 

Photo bomb! Nice one, Luke.

Aunt Lori came to visit! And fortunately no one was lost at Ikea. Haven't lost one yet! (At Ikea...)

Sammy got his Wolf merit badge! I'm wearing my special merit badge jacket--Mason has my right lapel, Sammy my left, and there are two pockets, one for Lincoln, one for Trevor. 

Elise takes an extraordinary amount of selfies. I should dedicate a post to them, but I might run out of storage space...

Mason and his best buddy, William K, are officially Boy Scouts! They crossed and signed the bridge!

My beauties!

Must have been in the mud pit...

He's seriously so cute!

Allergies are real, people!!

Mason crossing the bridge into Boy Scouts

April Pack Meeting--Mason is now a Boy Scout! (Be sure to watch to the end...)

Whirlwind couple of weeks, part two: Boys' Choir

This past year Mason, Sammy and Lincoln have been singing with the North Star Boys' Choirs, and have grown to absolutely LOVE singing. They also love being part of something bigger than just them, and I love that the choirs reinforce what I teach at home--they train polite young men. As Trevor says, as he runs to open a door for me, "Boys' choir boys are gentlemen."

There are three choirs, beginning with the youngest: Music Magic, Cadet and Viking. Lincoln joined Music Magic in January, as soon as he turned 5. I use the word "joined" as "became the sole member of the choir". He absolutely loved going to choir with Francis every week!

Sammy and Mason joined the Cadet choir in September (as did I--as the accompanist), and at the beginning of the year were both invited to move up to the Viking choir. Knowing of the busy concert schedule and 3-week summer tour, we opted to keep Sammy in with the Cadets. I stopped accompanying except on a substitute basis after Ruth was born.

Mason moved up with the Vikings, and has absolutely LOVED learning all the music and harmonies (he sings Alto 1). They have a repertoire of well over 20 songs that they have memorized, from "The Holy City" to "Dixit Dominus" to "Over the Rainbow". They sing in several languages and truly sound like angels! They sing at church services all over the NW metro area, more Sundays than not. I'm not crazy about all the Sunday concerts, but it has been educational for all of us to attend different church services.

The final concert was May 18th--the day before Stephen's graduation. I'll have a link to the entire concert soon, but here is a sneak peak...

A couple of Cadet boys who sang in Music Magic last year joined Lincoln so he wouldn't be singing alone. When the boys came on from the wings there were lots of "awwwwww"s to see little, tiny Lincoln marching in front, as confident as anything!

Sadly I didn't get any video of the Cadet Choir (poor middle child!), but they sounded beautiful as well!

The week after the concert (Memorial Day weekend), the Cadet Choir did a mini-tour up to Duluth. They ate at restaurants (of course treating everyone there to a concert!), sang at a church service, visited Lake Superior, stayed in a hotel (with a pool!) and got to ride the big tour bus. I was a little nervous to send Sammy away for 3 days, but he had a fantastic time! Every boy is assigned a "tour buddy". Sadly, Sammy's tour buddy got pneumonia, so he joined another buddy group for a three-some. :) They had lots of fun playing games on the bus and seeing the sights. Don't they look sharp in their travel uniforms?

Lincoln was finished after the concert and Sammy after his tour. Mason is still rehearsing with the choir, only he's in Arizona at the moment! Once he gets home (July 1), I'll help him tell his stories here!