Decisions

Eight and a half years ago a dear friend of mine was sent to prison for a crime that broke her heart--an accident that claimed the life of her infant son. I met her soon after he died, and quickly grew to love her. My brother was really the one in love, however, and when the verdict came back--"guilty"--I didn't know what would become of him.

He was so angry. I could relate. How could a loving God let something like this happen? It was true that my friend hadn't been living an upstanding life, but she had truly changed since learning about Christ--didn't that count for anything? What about the faithful people who had been praying and fasting for her? Was our faith in vain?

We were both heartbroken, my brother and I, bewildered and pretty furious at God. There was one difference in how we responded, however: I turned to Christ and my brother turned away. I sought solace in prayer and scripture study. I had faith and hope. I prayed for 2 years that my brother would come back--that if there was something I could say that would make a positive difference in his life I would say it at just the right moment.

He stayed in his haze until he met his future wife well over a year later. Then something changed and he was back to his normal happy self.

I, in the mean time, learned that it is okay to be happy and smile and laugh even when terrible things happen. I learned that the love and peace of Christ is a real thing. I felt it, almost like a warm embrace. I know that it is real.

Fast forward to today and hearing life-altering news. My mom's cancer is back with a vengeance. An average person on the most aggressive chemotherapy treatment would have less than a year to live at her stage of cancer. Wow, that kind of lays it out there. How simple to type, but how can anything ever be the same?

I've never thought of my mom as average, and she is in the peak of health (ya know, aside from the cancer), walking 3-5 miles every day and eating like all of us should eat. She has a great team of doctors with some impressive tools (look up Haelen 951) on her side.

But she doesn't just have science backing her up. She has something that serves her even better than the greatest medical resume: she has peace. And not just some wimpy peace. Real peace. Like I've-never-heard-or-seen-her-cry-about-her-cancer peace. It's not because she's trying to put up a brave front--she is truly just at peace. (I kind of hate that because that is how my grandma was when she had her cancer.)

I (sort of) silently wept as she told me all of this tonight, and then, she comforted me! Isn't that backwards? She told me, "Remember the children's song, 'have faith, have hope, live like His Son--help others on their way.'"

When the call was done, well, then...then I was mad and angry--just like I was when my friend was sentenced. But again I felt this pull to turn to Christ. Not to watch a dumb TV show and numb my brain, but to pull out my scriptures and receive a blessing from Stephen. To read about the vision of the Tree of Life.

To read that "...the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen." Thus it is. Nephi had no doubts. Thus. It. Is.

I know that the peace of Christ is real. I am still pleading to feel it with this latest news, but I know it is real, and that I will receive it. In the mean time, I'm going to do as my mother said: "I have enough peace for both of us. You can have some of mine until you get your own."

I should listen to my mother.

I choose to turn to Christ.